‘Behaviour’ is one of those words that often gets thrown around in relation to children. But, what do we mean by it, and how can we support young children with it?
The first thing to say is that ‘behaviour’ is a form of communication. When children are young, they don’t yet have the ability to regulate their feelings or exert self-control. These are skills that are actually still developing right through until our 20s!
When children have a “meltdown”, “tantrum” or they respond by hitting, pushing or throwing, they are letting us know they need our help.
Whereas traditional parenting advice has been to tell the child off, isolate them in a time out or simply give attention to the other child, we now know that there are different strategies that work more effectively.
When a child is demonstrating that they are dysreglated, it is our task to help them to feel regulated again. When we help them to reach a place of calm, we not only help them in the present moment but also help wire their brains to do it by themselves one day.
How do we help them reach their calm?
Find our calm. If we are not regulated, we can’t help a child to regulate.
Validate how they are feeling.
Offer a hug and supportive presence.
Take time to help them return to feeling okay.
Talk through how they might be feeling.
When they are ready, help them find a solution to the situation they were in when they became stressed or distressed.
As part of daily life, teach them about their feelings and how to manage them.
One of the biggest things we can do is offer children our warm, responsive presence, and to stay grounded ourselves.